When you and your spouse decide that it is time to get a divorce, you know that the impact of that choice will affect your children. But you must remember that it is your divorce – not your child’s. One of the most valuable things you can do for your child when you are going through a divorce is to protect them from the emotional fallout that, sadly, often ensues.

Kids are usually far more resilient than adults give them credit for, but they are vulnerable, too. Every child deserves to have a safe, happy childhood full of nurturing and fun and the feeling that they are loved by both of their parents. If you can make sure that this is true for your child as you move through your divorce, then you will have given them a priceless gift.

How can you do that? Here are some tips to help guide you through the process of protecting your child from the chaos of your divorce:

1. Never disparage your former spouse in your child’s presence. Children (depending on their age, of course) are aware that they are part of both of you, so when you speak ill of their other parent, it affects their own sense of self-worth, too.
2. Do not use your child to communicate with your spouse. If you are not on speaking terms with your spouse, do not send messages back and forth through your child. Aside from being inappropriate, it can also make your child feel guilty, as though he or she is siding with one parent or the other simply because he or she has been “co-opted” to carry the messages.
3. Never lean on your child for emotional support. It is your responsibility to support your children, not the other way around. Allow your child to be a child and not your caretaker.
4. Never use parenting time as a weapon. If your spouse is behind on child support or if the two of you are on the war path, do not try to use time with your child as a bargaining chip. Let your attorney work it out if they are in arrears. You may be able to use a neutral family member as a go-between if you do not even want to see your spouse’s face, but you do not have a right to deny your child time with their parent.

Bonus tip: Make protecting your children from the chaos of your divorce your main priority.

• Shower them with love, time and attention as opposed to money and expensive gifts.
• Do whatever it takes to maintain a consistent schedule for their sakes.
• Get help if it looks like your children are beginning to act out because they are unable to cope with the divorce and all of the changes going on.

Your Nashville divorce attorney is a resource for you, as well. At our firm, we have helped many families just like you move through the divorce process and on to the path of starting their new lives. A good divorce attorney will be a sounding board, and we aggressively fight on your behalf.

If you are a parent who is facing divorce, you may want to have a conversation with an experienced Nashville divorce attorney who helps Tennessee families create and, when necessary, modify Parenting Plan agreements with the best interests of the child and the whole family in mind. Please call 615-391-4200 or use our contact form to reserve your consultation with the dedicated legal team at Miller Upshaw Family Law, PLLC.