When you have come to the conclusion that divorce is your best option, you will find yourself faced with many important decisions to make. These decisions will have a lasting impact on your life, so it makes sense to consider them carefully. There will be times during the divorce process that you will have to negotiate with your soon-to-be-former spouse. We get that if you thought you could negotiate a fair agreement with your spouse that both of you could be happy with you might not be ending your marriage. But if it is possible to put your hurt feelings, your super-hero sized burning desire for revenge, and the thought that you can somehow “win” in divorce aside, you will find that it is possible to work some things out without bloodshed and tears.
Before we launch into the tips, remember that your divorce attorney will be there to give you guidance and legal advice through the whole process. Knowing some of the basics about what it takes to negotiate in good faith will be helpful to you during your divorce and in the future.
- Do your homework. Do your own due diligence and have a firm grasp of what is at stake. Ask questions of your divorce attorney team, and get at least a basic understanding of how the divorce process works in your state. While both sides will likely have legal representation, you will feel more secure if you have a firm grasp of what is going on.
- Know your financial position. Make sure that your finances are in order and that you have already crunched the numbers on the various options available to you. If you do not feel comfortable discussing finances on your own, let your attorney handle it.
- Know what your children need. If there are children involved, each of you needs to be willing to put the children’s needs first. This means that each of you must be prepared to give a little at some point.
- Be clear on what you want. Have a clear idea of what you would like to be able to walk away with. You will have some things that you will consider “non-negotiables.” The ideal goal is to emerge with an agreement that you can live with. You won’t necessarily feel like you are the winner.
- Understand what your spouse wants. Your spouse has their own list of non-negotiables, too. If you do a good job of anticipating what those are, it will help you do a better job of making sure that each of you gets some of what you want.
- Keep your emotions under control. Do not be afraid to take a break, walk away and get some air when you feel as if you are losing your grip on your emotions. Try to remind yourself to approach it as a business transaction. You can have your emotional reaction when it is over, in the privacy of your own home. Keep your “game face” on and be civil. Emotions cloud judgment and they can make you make decisions you will regret later.
- Be open to new options. Your spouse may propose options that you have never considered before. Keep an open mind.
No one “wins” in divorce, but divorce is not about winning or losing, really. If the two parties are willing to work together, with the help of a solid legal team, they can come to a solution that works for all parties concerned.
If you are planning to divorce, you might not have a lot of confidence in your ability to negotiate with your soon-to-be-former partner. You are welcome to call 615-391-4200 or contact the experienced Nashville legal team at Miller Upshaw Family Law, PLLC to discuss your case. Reserve a consultation time with us to ask your questions and review your specific needs and concerns, and we will explain your options.
Karla C. Miller has devoted her entire career to the practice of family law in Tennessee. She attended Auburn University and Nashville School of Law, and upon graduation in 1996, she opened her own law firm and has been assisting families throughout Tennessee since then. Learn more about Karla C. Miller here.
