There may come a time in the divorce process when your attorney recommends a four-way meeting. Another name for a settlement conference, a four-way meeting is attended by you, your attorney, your spouse and his or her attorney. Ideally, all four parties sit around a large conference table with the goal of finalizing the remaining unresolved issues in the divorce. Such a meeting holds a lot of potential for moving things forward, however, there are some pitfalls that could derail the process without careful planning in advance. Here are a few tips for preparing for and getting through a four-way divorce meeting:

1. Discuss your goals and preferences with your attorney before the meeting. What are your expectations? What does your attorney hope to accomplish in this meeting? Let your lawyer know all of your concerns about the meeting so that they can be prepared. If you would prefer that your attorney speak for you, make sure they know that. Conversely, if you have some things to say, make sure that your attorney knows what they are and that you have the chance to be heard.
2. Be on your best behavior. You have no doubt seen divorce conferences portrayed in films and on television as a contemptuous brawl where each party is at the throat of the other in a pitched battle. If you take the high road and approach the meeting in a civil, business-like manner, then you will make a lot more progress quickly and save both of you time and money.
3. Focus on the end goal of the meeting. Choose your words carefully and say only those things that will help move things forward. Resist the urge to get back at your spouse or utter snarky comments. Say and do only what will move you towards the goals you have set.
4. Have empathy. Both of you are dealing with one of the most stressful situations that human beings will deal with in life. Make an effort to set aside the acrimony to the extent that you are able. Try to see things from your spouse’s perspective if you can. Listen respectfully when they speak.
5. Be flexible. That is not to say roll over. There is nothing to be gained by becoming a “doormat” for the sake of a settlement. You can get what is coming to you without being intractable. Give a little and you will get what you need.

A four way meeting can go on for hours, or it may need to be adjourned and continued on another day. If you do not feel up to sitting across from your spouse, you can decide to sit in another room and have someone carry messages back and forth between your room and the conference room. There is no guarantee that the session will result in a successful settlement, but if one of you goes in there with the intention to maintain a level head chances are the meeting will be more productive and the two of you will be able to resolve the remaining issues and agree on a settlement.

If you and your spouse are seeking a divorce, you are welcome to contact the law office of Karla C. Miller & Associates, PLLC. Our skilled Nashville divorce attorneys can walk you through the divorce process, and offer support and guidance for moving forward.