You might think that once you have begun the divorce process, your attorney will be doing the talking for you. However, there are times when it makes more sense for you and your spouse to sit down and work through some difficult issues on your own. This will help eliminate a lot of opportunity for confusion, and it will save you some money in billable hours with your divorce lawyer. Because having a difficult conversation can make you feel anxious, afraid or even embarrassed, your first instinct might be to put it off as long as you can because you do not feel equipped to broach the topic, or you might feel intimidated about standing up for yourself.
You can shift the dynamic and be in a position of confidence when you ask those challenging questions of your spouse. Here are some tips to keep in mind when you are dealing with tough topics during your divorce.
- Set clear intentions. What do you hope to accomplish when you broach a potentially difficult conversation? What would you ideally like to have accomplished when you walk away from the conversation? Set those clear intentions for what you would like to communicate before you begin the conversation.
- Manage expectations. Going in with unrealistic expectations will likely lead to frustration. Difficult conversations are, well, difficult, and if you and your spouse were able to resolve sticky subjects easily, you two might not be in this position. Your safest bet is to find ways to get closer to narrowing the divide between your positions.
- Use good timing. One of the keys to effective communication is good timing. Do not ambush your spouse after a long, stressful day by bringing up a topic that is only going to add to the stress they are already under in the moment.
- Manage your own emotions. If the two of you have been together long enough, each of you knows which emotional buttons to push in order to gain the upper hand. Be vigilant about managing your emotional reactions so that you can keep things productive and civil. Furthermore, do not push those buttons on your spouse, either. If neither of you feels like you have to go on the defensive, your talk is more likely to succeed.
- Practice active listening. After you have broached the topic, listen carefully to your spouse’s response and reflect back to them what you heard and understood. Everyone really wants to be heard and understood. Making sure that your spouse knows that you have heard their point of view helps to keep the dialogue moving in a positive direction. If your spouse says something you do not like, take a deep breath or two before responding to avoid lashing out.
Going through a divorce is right up there with the most stressful events in life. Once you have worked through all of the conflict and the painful emotions, you will have gained many valuable life lessons. Learning to have difficult conversations, listening to the other person and managing your emotions are vital skills that will help you get through your divorce, and will come in handy in future relationships.
Ending a marriage and separating two lives can be difficult and painful. Having the skill and experience of a Nashville divorce attorney to advise you and protect your interests can be helpful and make the process easier to bear. The legal team at the Nashville law firm of Miller Upshaw Family Law, PLLC has helped many clients resolve their divorce and get a favorable result. Contact us today to discuss your case.
Karla C. Miller has devoted her entire career to the practice of family law in Tennessee. She attended Auburn University and Nashville School of Law, and upon graduation in 1996, she opened her own law firm and has been assisting families throughout Tennessee since then. Learn more about Karla C. Miller here.
